


Bittersweet Betrayal

by orphan_account



Series: Bittersweet Betrayal [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean's an idiot, Happy Ending?, Lots of it, M/M, Self-Loathing Dean, Sort of? - Freeform, fluff at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 06:58:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5238767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Requested by <em>'akibabes25'</em></p><p>After a bad argument, Dean and Castiel storm off in a huff and Dean makes for the closest bar to drink away his sorrows. One thing leads to another and Cas catches him with his tongue down another man's throat and literally with his pants down.</p><p>Dean's told to remove his belongings from the apartment and he wonders if he'll ever get a chance to express how sorry he is to his ex-lover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [akibabes25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/akibabes25/gifts).



> _Prompt: How about Cas caught Dean cheating with Benny because Benny seduced him. Cas makes himself hot to teach Dean a lesson and Dean shows remorse and begs Cas to take him back. - akibabes25_
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> I didn't make Cas 'hot' as such, but I tried to make him look desirable to Dean. This was actually a challenge to write because I wanted to try and write it from Dean's perspective, which meant I had to think of a way to get Dean into that headspace. I hope I've done it and _akibabes25_ , I hope this is the sort of thing you were looking for!

Dean chuckled as Castiel pressed a promising kiss to his jaw before he sauntered to the bedroom, hips sashaying exaggeratedly until he paused in the doorway and turned to his lover.

He cocked an eyebrow at Dean, gesturing seductively with one finger for him to follow and Dean bit back another laugh at his ridiculous antics.

He put on a straight face and followed the shorter man into their bedroom, but as Cas turned around, in preparation to strip out of his clothes and lie enticingly on the bed, Dean tackled him to the mattress, prompting a startled laugh from the other man.

They tussled playfully for a few minutes, before Dean managed to blow noisy raspberries over the exposed stretch of skin on Cas' stomach where his shirt had ridden up.

"Cut it out, Dean!" Laughed Cas as he batted at his lover's head and Dean grinned and pinned his hands either side of his face before leaning down to place a sweet kiss on his boyfriend's lips.

Castiel's eyes softened and Dean felt his heart warm at the gesture before Cas was untangling their hands in favour of cupping Dean's cheek to kiss him properly.

They pulled away fractionally until they could rest their heads together and Dean let out a small, contented sigh at knowing Cas was happy and safe in his arms.

"I love you," he murmured quietly and Castiel's face flooded with tenderness.

"I love you, too," he replied as he nuzzled Dean's cheek affectionately and Dean couldn't help but claim Cas' mouth again, revelling in the addictive taste of coffee and honey that suited his lover perfectly.

Cas hummed softly, enjoying the way Dean's tongue mapped out every inch of his mouth and he slid his own tongue over Dean's when his boyfriend shifted into a better position to straddle him.

"Beautiful," murmured Dean as they pulled apart and his breath caught in his throat when Cas gazed at him through half-lidded eyes.

"Yes, you are," smirked Cas coyly and Dean rolled his eyes in amusement.

He leaned down to nuzzle at Castiel's throat and he took pleasure in the way Cas sighed happily beneath him, muscles relaxing as his eyes closed out of enjoyment.

He mouthed gently at the smooth skin, feeling oddly satisfied at the hushed gasps it provoked from his lover and Cas' hands buried themselves in his hair.

He trailed kisses down Castiel's neck, pausing to suck at his collar bone as he undid his boyfriend's shirt and Cas groaned in a way that sent fire raging through his veins.

He doted on Cas' unprotected flesh, almost worshiping it with kisses, licks and nips and when he was finished, Castiel was a writhing, needy mess beneath him.

"Dean..."

Cas reached to undo his boyfriend's shirt, but as soon as he'd completed the task, Dean pinned his arms by his head once again.

"This is about you, baby," he whispered and Cas arched up against him, desire and love and need all mixed into one as he whimpered Dean's name once more.

Dean's pulse sped up and he claimed Cas' mouth possessively, hips rolling against the other man's as he was overwhelmed by how lucky he felt to have Cas as his.

"Stop teasing," breathed his lover desperately and Dean felt an almost animalistic need flare within him as he worked to undo Castiel's trousers.

Two hours later, thoroughly exhausted and panting heavily after a night of exploring each other so intimately, Cas curled into Dean and the taller man wrapped a protective arm around him and made sure the covers were tucked tightly around them both before they fell into a peaceful sleep, Dean's nose buried in his lover's hair.

 

* * *

 

They didn't argue often, but when they did, it was spectacularly loud with enough heat to power an industrial-sized furnace.

"You're _never_ here!"

"What do you want me to do? Just not go to work? Hate to break it to you, Cas, but I don't get paid when I'm at home!"

"Don't get smart with me, Dean. I don't care what your boss says, you've got to stop working these long hours. It's unhealthy!"

"He's my boss! I can't dictate what hours I'll work; people who do that get sacked!"

"Eight in the morning to ten at night is more than unreasonable! I never see you!"

"I don't work weekends!"

"Unless he calls you in because of an emergency! How many times has he done that in the past month alone? Oh, I know: _every weekend!_ "

"He's a little understaffed."

" _'A little'?_ It's literally you and him! You told me yourself that the others only show up when they feel like. Which reminds me, why can they do that without getting fired? Why do you have to cover their shifts for them? Why hasn't your boss said something?"

"He's got a lot on his plate right now-"

"You've got a lot on your plate right now! Y'know, like a real life with your boyfriend and your family and your friends? Why are you letting yourself be overworked?"

"I'm not overworked! I'm helping the guys out at the garage when they need it. That's all!"

Castiel threw his hands up in exasperation as he gestured around the apartment.

"Why don't you help me out instead of a few people you barely know and who don't care one bit about you?"

Dean rolled his eyes, patience stretched to its limit.

"I get paid for helping out at work. The extra money comes in useful, don't you think?" He jerked his thumb towards the recently-bought couch.

Cas pursed his lips. "Yes. It does. But it would be nice to see you sometimes and to get a little help around the apartment! When was the last time you made dinner, or cleaned something, anything?!"

Dean's hands clenched into fists, his temper slowly unravelling.

"Don't start. You know I would if I had the time."

"But that's the point! _You're never here!_ You don't have time for anything other than work! You don't even have time for me!"

Dean growled, self-restraint shot to pieces.

"That's because I've landed myself with a guy who isn't content with practical things. He wants the finer things in life, which means that I have to pay for it! How do you think I can do that without working the hours I do?"

Cas turned his nose up in disgust.

"Don't turn this on me! Sometimes I wonder if you stay late because you don't want to spend any time with me!"

Dean knew Cas had said that just to get under his skin. Somewhere at the back of his brain, he knew that Cas didn't mean any of it and he was upset that the past month had been very busy for both of them; both their employers had added to their workload (and therefore their stress), the rent had increased for their apartment and to top it all off, one of Cas' brothers had had a brush with the law.

Still, Dean couldn't help but sneer at his lover.

"Hit the nail right on the head there, Cas."

Cas' eyes widened in shock before they narrowed accusingly and he pointed towards the door.

"Get out."

Dean snorted. "You're an ungrateful little brat, you know that?"

Cas snarled. "And you're a selfish infant! Now leave!"

Dean shook his head and yanked his jacket off the hook.

"That's it. You can't take an insult so you go off on a tantrum. That's so typical."

"And you don't even try to argue to stay. You'll just go to that stupid bar and hope that you can drink your problems away!"

Dean laughed hollowly and even though he knew he'd regret it later, he glared at Cas.

"Well, it's better than having to look at you."

Cas' gaze was icy and he turned on his heel and marched off into the kitchen, so Dean shook his head once more, body still hyped up on a mixture of anger and adrenaline as he stalked out of the building and towards _'The Roadhouse'_.

 

* * *

 

"Well you look downright jolly," smirked a familiar voice and Dean glanced up from his seemingly never-ending glass of whisky to find his oldest and best friend Benny standing over him with one eyebrow raised and an amused expression on his face.

Dean sighed as Benny took the stool beside him and he toyed with his glass until Benny coughed lightly.

"Spill."

So Dean did. He told his friend about his and Cas' argument, told him how hurt he'd been by Cas' comments and how he hadn't really wanted to hurt Cas but he'd been so angry at him that he couldn't help but throw in a few scathing comments of his own. He told his friend how stress had been building up for the past month and how they'd both let it out in one supernova of a shouting match, where half the things they'd said they hadn't even meant.

As he explained, he felt his tenseness and anger melt away until all he could feel was a numb emptiness in the pit of his stomach and he put his head in his hands as he realised he was already beginning to regret having spoken to Cas like that. 

"Sounds to me like you two need to cool down and talk things over when you're ready," said Benny, finally, having not spoken throughout Dean's tirade.

Dean slumped in his seat.

"He knows how to get under my skin. I work because I want him to have nice things, but he doesn't always see it that way and whenever we have an argument, he always implies that I don't want to be with him." He shook his head. "I know he doesn't mean it, but it doesn't hurt any less."

Benny took a deep breath. "You've got to let it go over your head, brother. Sometimes we say things to hurt the ones we love, but it doesn't mean we actually think that. You're both tired. Take a little space to clear your mind and then you can go back to each other with a fresh outlook and you can apologise to your heart's content for acting like a jerk."

Dean chuckled. "You really know how to kick a man when he's down."

Benny shrugged. "One of my many talents."

Dean sighed heavily. "Maybe you're right. I just hate how he can rile me up so easily. Usually I can keep calm and ignore other people, but when he does it I feel like I want to punch something."

Benny smiled. "Love's a fickle thing."

Dean's face softened into something a little more regretful. 

"I suppose so." Suddenly, he glanced to Benny. "Thanks. You didn't have to listen to me rant on about my soap story of a love life, yet you decided to humour me anyway. You're a good friend."

Benny chuckled. "Anytime, brother. You know I'm always here to help."

"And tell me how much of an idiot I am."

"That too."

There was a pause as Dean thought about what to do next and Benny waited patiently beside him, hands interlocked in the picture of peace.

"I should probably leave Cas to stew for a little bit. He's sat alone in the house and he's probably got the voodoo doll out, sticking pins into its chest."

Benny laughed. "That's a bit much, don't you think?"

"Well I have been feeling this awful pain right here on my left..." He placed a hand over his heart and Benny rolled his eyes so hard Dean thought he'd be able to see the back of his skull.

"You're such a drama queen."

Dean grinned as he took another sip of his whisky, much smaller and slower than the last few and a comfortable silence fell between the pair.

"He's very lucky to have you," murmured Benny quietly and Dean snorted, odd tone lost on him.

"You wouldn't think so if you'd have seen his face tonight."

Benny smiled almost bitterly. "It must be nice having someone to come home to at the end of a hard day."

Dean didn't miss the sorrowful look that flashed across Benny's eyes and he hesitated this time, unsure of what his friend was thinking.

"It is," he said carefully. "Haven't you found anyone yet?"

Benny sighed tiredly. "I thought I had, but they're already taken."

Dean's eyebrows fell in sympathy. "Sorry, man. That's pretty harsh."

Benny chuckled hollowly. "I loved 'em too. They didn't even glance at me, though. Just found someone prettier and never looked back."

Dean's gaze softened. "They don't know what they're missing. You're a fantastic guy, Benny. You've got a heart of gold and whoever wins you over will be the luckiest person on the planet."

Benny's eyes trailed up to Dean's face and they gazed at each other for a few moments before Benny gulped quietly.

"And yet, you're with Cas."

Dean's face fell as he absorbed the implications and he stared at his long-time friend, lips parted slightly.

"Benny... I... I didn't know..."

Benny dropped his gaze to the floor.

"You don't have to say anything. I just... I wanted you to know... You have a right to..."

Dean reached out hesitantly and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"I'm sorry. Really, I am."

Benny gave him a sidelong glance.

"I could make you happy, y'know."

Dean paused as he retracted his hand, his thoughts racing too fast for him to contemplate as his emotions fluctuated confusingly. What was Benny saying? He was still with Cas, he couldn't do that to him.

Suddenly, Benny turned to face him and a lump caught in Dean's throat at the pain in his eyes.

"I wouldn't hurt you like he does. Could never do that to you. I love you too much."

Dean frowned as his confusing thoughts only got worse. Benny was his best friend, sure; a person he'd known longer than even Cas, but he couldn't betray Cas. They'd only had an argument; it's not like Cas had _actually_ hurt him.

 _Except_ , Dean reflected, _he had_. He'd already insinuated that Dean didn't want to spend any time with his lover. Did that mean that Cas wasn't interested anymore? Did he think Dean wasn't interested anymore?

After all, Cas had kicked him out of their apartment.

Was that because Cas didn't want him or was it just because he needed to cool off? But then, why hadn't he asked Dean to stay, to talk things over like he'd condemned Dean for not doing? Did that mean Cas didn't care or was he just hurt from Dean's own comments?

And would Benny admit to his feelings if he thought he was going to go back to Cas? Maybe Benny knew that Cas wouldn't accept him back and he was confessing his love for Dean because he knew it was over between them. He'd already admitted that he couldn't hurt him, so that meant that he wouldn't put Dean in a position like this without knowing it would be over between him and Cas, right? Benny was his best and most loyal friend... he cared about Dean. He wouldn't do anything to lead him down the wrong path, would he?

Benny licked his lips nervously and he glanced to Dean's still-parted ones.

"I love you, Dean. Have done for quite a while. I hate seeing you upset and I want to make you feel better... if you'll let me?"

Dean's mind was a tornado of unfathomable emotions and thoughts and he couldn't respond to Benny's question without his words coming out as an incoherent mess, so he didn't say anything as Benny leaned forward and pressed their lips together sweetly.

As soon as it had started, it was over and Benny pulled back, expression caught somewhere between rejection and apologetic and Dean hated seeing his friend so uncertain and so terrified, and without thinking he leaned in to reassure his friend with a firmer kiss.

Benny's startled yelp was swallowed by Dean and then the older man was relaxing and deepening their kiss.

Benny had the distinct taste of aged whisky and firewood and Dean couldn't help but lick into his friend's mouth to get a proper taste. 

The older man moaned softly and his hand found its way around Dean's back and he pulled the other man off his stool and between his legs so they could have better access to each other.

Dean, all rational thoughts dissolved, let his hand wander into Benny's hair and the other settled at his hip as they let their tongues tangle heatedly.

Benny's free hand slipped to Dean's rear possessively and Dean groaned in approval as he was pulled tight to his friend's chest.

Their kiss turned desperate and suddenly, Benny had him pinned to the bar, their pelvises rutting roughly against each other and Dean had an idle thought of being thankful that the bar was practically empty as the bartender had nipped off for a toilet break.

He was snapped back to reality when a low groan was ripped from him as Benny rolled his hips in the _perfect_ way and he tugged gently at short hair as his friend sucked passionately at his throat.

He felt a prickly heat crawl up his skin when he realised Benny had marked him so visibly and he slipped a hand down his friend's pants as a kind of desperate plea for more.

Benny gasped, which soon turned into an aroused growl as he quickly undid Dean's jeans.

Dean rolled his hips once more in want and then Benny's mouth was on his again and they kissed roughly, messily as Benny made to pull Dean's underwear down.

" _Dean?!_ "

They pulled away from each other sharply and Dean's blood ran cold as he saw Cas standing a few feet away, face a myriad of brokenness, betrayal and disbelief and Dean opened his mouth to say something, but soon realised he didn't have any words.

In that moment, Dean forgot Benny was there and he glanced down at himself ashamedly before snapping his gaze back to Cas' rapidly hardening expression.

He fumbled to fix himself up, ignoring Benny's almost offended and definitely rejected gaze as he stumbled towards his boyfriend.

"Cas, I-"

"Don't speak to me," his lover hissed. " _We're through._ "

Dean felt his heart stop and he could only stare at Cas as the other man turned on his heel and made his way over to the bar's entrance.

Just before he got there, he turned to look at Dean with such a hopeless and defeated expression that a part of Dean shrivelled up.

" _Why?_ " He choked out and Dean sagged helplessly, knowing he couldn't justify his betrayal.

Tears formed in Cas' eyes and Dean crumbled at the thought that he'd hurt his lover so deeply.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, crushed and Cas' face crumpled.

"You said you loved me," he murmured, tone filled with heartbreak and Dean closed his eyes, trying to hold back his own tears.

When he next opened them, Cas was gone.

"Dean..." Benny said after a moment and Dean glared at him.

"You don't get to say anything," he hissed and Benny's expression turned defiant.

"I wasn't the one who cheated on my partner!"

Dean seethed. "You lured me in, even though you knew we were together!"

"It's not my fault you're not faithful," growled Benny and Dean paused. He was right. He should have said _'no'_ when Benny kissed him. Should've pushed him away and gone back to Cas. Now look what had happened.

"Maybe I was wrong to want you, you didn't even look at me when he came in," spat Benny as he stormed off and Dean was left alone, dejected and wondering what to do next.

 

* * *

 

They hadn't spoken in two weeks. Castiel hadn't made any attempt to call Dean to talk things over and Dean kept chickening out at the last moment whenever he dialled the number.

Dean hadn't gone back to the apartment, opting to stay with his brother and his wife for the fortnight. 

Sam had been furious at him for what he'd done to Cas and the brothers hadn't spoken for the first five days (although Sam did set up the spare room for him to use). 

After the initial upset, Dean had become angry. He and Benny hadn't even done anything, not really. Sure, they'd had a pretty heated make out session with a bit of groping, but it's not like they had sex or anything. Cas was overreacting! He hadn't cheated, he'd just kissed his friend, that's all.

After three days of blaming Cas for looking too deeply into things, Dean began to feel guilty. He _had_ cheated on his boyfriend. He'd betrayed him just because they'd had a stupid, petty argument and he'd hurt Cas by doing so; the one thing he'd never ever wanted to do.

After another four days, Dean fell into a depression. Cas didn't deserve to be laboured with him. His sweet, caring boyfriend ( _ex-boyfriend_ , he corrected himself, holding back tears) deserved to be with someone who would look after him and treat him with respect. Dean should forget about their relationship and move on, just as Cas inevitably would.

Three days later, Dean toyed with the idea of ringing Castiel. He wanted to apologise (even if Cas had every right to shout and scream at him and tell him that he never wanted to see him again). He wanted to tell Cas how devastated he'd been (and still was) at losing his lover. 

He wanted one more chance to tell Cas how beautiful he was and how much he loved him.

He put the phone down at the first ring.

For the rest of the week, Dean's sleep patterns were all over the place. He found his appetite decreasing every day and his thoughts tended to be foggy and obtuse, until one day, he was sent home from the garage for _'lack of concentration'_.

"You've got to go and talk to him," said Sam at the start of the third week and Dean glanced up at him from where his head had been buried in his arms, body slumped over the dining room table.

"And say what?" Dean asked hopelessly and Sam rolled his eyes, arms crossed firmly over his chest.

"Say all the things you've been thinking for the past two weeks! You're moping and you're lost without him." Sam scowled at him and Dean shrunk in on himself. "Maybe, if you're lucky, he'll give you another chance."

Dean sighed and sagged back over the table.

" _I_ wouldn't give me a second chance. He deserves so much better."

"Tell him that, then. Tell him how you feel. Anything to stop you from isolating yourself in this house. It's not healthy, Dean. You need to talk to him," stressed Sam and Dean looked away.

Sam huffed exasperatedly and slammed the front door shut behind him, leaving Dean in an empty house.

Dean mulled over Sam's words and came to the conclusion that he really should talk to Cas, even if it was only to set a date to collect his belongings from the apartment. His chest constricted at the thought of never waking up with Cas in his arms again.

He sighed defeatedly and climbed to his feet as he reached for the phone.

He closed his eyes when it switched to voicemail.

If Cas wouldn't answer, he'd have to visit the apartment himself, then.

 

* * *

 

It became apparent that the reason Castiel hadn't answered the phone was because he wasn't actually there. Dean let his head fall against the door. What now? He could always come back tomorrow, he supposed.

He sighed again. He'd been doing that a lot recently. 

He checked his watch and pulled a face when it read ten in the morning. He'd had pretty much no concept of time since breaking up with Cas and he realised that Cas would probably be at work at this hour.

Then he slapped himself because Cas was a teacher and today was Saturday.

He needed some coffee.

He decided to go to the cafe nearest the apartment; the one where he and Cas had spent hours upon hours sitting and talking and watching the world go by. 

His heart clenched.

He shuffled into the shop and ordered the strongest coffee they had and when he turned around to take it back to his table, he almost dropped it out of shock.

Cas was sitting at the window.

With another man.

Dean felt his whole being tear in half and he quickly put his head down and paced to his seat. He felt his breathing pick up and he realised that he was panicking.

He closed his eyes to calm himself down before risking a glance towards the other table.

Cas was smiling. He and the other man were chatting amiably as they sipped their drinks (and Dean spotted Cas' favourite pumpkin spice latte) and they both looked relaxed as they laughed quietly at each other's stories.

The other man was a little shorter than Cas with blondish hair and a rich voice. His smile was contagious (not for Dean however, who was glaring holes into the side of his face) and he kept touching Cas on his arms with gentle squeezes or friendly pats.

Dean felt sick.

He turned his attention back to his bitter coffee and tried to tune out their voices.

However, he couldn't stop his gaze from wandering to his ex-boyfriend and he gulped when he saw how the sunlight shone almost like a halo around the soft raven tufts that Dean loved to trail his fingers through. 

His eyes sparkled in a way that Dean had forgotten about since their break-up and his breath caught in his throat just like it did every time Cas looked so beautiful. His eyes trailed to the new clothes Dean hadn't seen before and he mused about how well the casual style suited Cas and how his shirt highlighted the intense blue of his eyes.

He looked young and happy; a stark contrast to the last time Dean had seen him and his heart ached at the shy smile Cas offered his company, the one that Dean had commented on many times when they were in private, right before they lost themselves to each other in their lovemaking. 

He turned back around, unable to watch any longer.

About half-an-hour later, Dean heard a chair scrape across the floor and he peaked around his booth to see Cas getting up. He said something and the other man nodded with a grin and waved his hand vaguely in the air as Cas left the table.

Dean shoved himself into the corner of the booth as Cas walked by his table and towards the toilets without noticing him.

This was his chance.

He stood up as the door closed behind Cas and made his way to the toilets.

When he opened the door, Castiel was already washing his hands and was turning to the drier.

"Cas," choked Dean and the other man startled and whirled to face him.

A thick scowl settled on his features when he recognised Dean and he tried to side-step him to get to the door.

Unfortunately for him, the bathroom was narrow and Dean easily caught him by the shoulder.

Cas stepped back out of Dean's reach as his gaze hardened and he crossed his arms.

Dean couldn't look him in the eye.

"Cas... I... I'm so sorry."

"And I'm supposed to believe you when you can't even look at me?"

Dean snapped his gaze back up to his ex.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you, for betraying you, for everything. I never wanted to put you through that."

If anything, Cas' glare got even cooler.

"And yet..."

Dean's skin burned in shame and he wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there to die.

"I know. What I did was unforgivable and I hate myself for what I did to you."

"Glad we're on the same page."

Dean's stomach plummeted.

"I... I don't know what to say to you. I wanted to apologise... to tell you that what you saw... it had never happened before. Benny admitted some feelings for me and I guess I wasn't thinking straight after our argument and... I just... he leaned over... and I..." Dean trailed off, realising that there was probably nothing he could say to make the situation any better.

"And you stuck your tongue down his throat as he pinned you to the bar and you felt each other up?" Cas growled, fists clenching in fury.

Dean winced. "I didn't... I never meant to..."

"Well you did!" Hissed Cas. "You would have been quite happy to spread your legs for him if I hadn't walked in and you'd have come home and pretended that you were sorry we'd argued and things would go back to the way they were barring you would be having an affair with your best friend! Don't deny it, you know you would."

Dean wanted the floor to open up and swallow him, because _yeah_ , that's probably what would have happened if Cas hadn't stopped them. The thought of doing that to Cas _now_ was unbearable and he felt tears welling up in his eyes, so he blinked them away furiously.

"You're probably right," admitted Dean, his voice cracking slightly. "And I hate that you are. I can't imagine ever doing that to you now. Not after these past two weeks, knowing how betrayed you felt-"

"You will _never_ know how I felt!" Cas hissed, his voice quivering and Dean noticed how his eyes shone with pain and sorrow.

Dean stumbled backwards as Cas shoved at his chest.

"I loved you more than anything in the world! You were everything to me and we had one stupid argument and I find you groaning as another man thrusts against you! What was I supposed to think? You made me feel worthless and cheap, like you were using me to get off!"

There were definite tears in Cas' eyes now and Dean wanted nothing more than to pull him into a hug and tell him everything would be okay, just like he always had when Cas had come to him for comfort.

He'd never expected to be the one who'd cause Cas this much pain.

"That's not true at all. I don't think you're worthless or cheap. I think you're the most stunning, beautiful person to ever walk the Earth. I think you're gorgeous, the way your eyes sparkle when you're happy and the way your smile lights up the room are the best parts of my day. You're so kind and caring and I love it when you're enjoying yourself and you get that playful little streak nobody expects."

Dean shook his head, self-loathing creeping into his voice.

"And I hurt you. I betrayed you, cheated on you and you deserve so much better than me. It's a miracle you're even listening to me. I wouldn't. But that's who you are; willing to hear people out, you always treat everybody so fairly... even when they don't deserve it."

He glanced up to his ex-lover's face.

"I miss you. I can't sleep, can't eat, can't stop thinking about you. I miss the way I used to wake up with you in my arms, I miss being able to sit and cuddle with you, I miss just talking to you and seeing you."

Cas' lip trembled as he murmured quietly.

"Why did you do it?"

Dean shook his head helplessly. "I don't know. I'm an idiot. A jerk. Anything you can come up with, I'm probably all of them."

Cas whimpered. "You told me you loved me. Told me you could never cheat on me."

Dean hung his head in shame. "I do love you. I'll always love you, even if you don't love me. I'm just a stupid little boy who doesn't know what he's got until he loses it."

Cas turned away and Dean's heart snapped.

"Tell me what to do to make it better," whispered Dean and Cas shook his head.

"I don't know if you can."

A loaded silence fell between them both and Dean was painfully reminded of the other man waiting for Cas.

"I'll collect my stuff from the apartment, then."

Cas nodded and Dean closed his eyes at the lack of protest.

He turned slowly back to the door. "I'm so sorry, Cas."

Just as he pushed on the door, a hand fell on his shoulder.

He daren't move in case the hand left, so he stood, apprehension and nervousness flooding his systems as he waited what seemed like a thousand years for Cas to speak.

"Wait," Cas settled on and Dean finally turned around.

They stared at each other for a few moments before Dean whispered "Cas?"

"I might be being foolish... but you said you still love me."

Dean nodded, throat tight. "I do. With all my heart. I'd do anything to make things better between us."

Cas scrutinised him for a couple of minutes and Dean's pulse was loud to his own ears.

"I want to try again," said Cas slowly, carefully as if he could change his mind at any second. "I want to start over and this time, you can prove to me that you've learned your lesson."

Dean couldn't believe his ears. He gulped down the lump in his throat and croaked out " _Seriously?_ "

Cas frowned, as if thinking it over and Dean bit his tongue.

"Yes,' he said finally. "I want to try this again with you. You did make me happy when we were together," confessed Cas and Dean's heart tried to leap out of his chest.

"Cas-"

"But it won't go back to the way things use to be. You have to prove to me that I can trust you. You have to prove that you're loyal."

Dean nodded enthusiastically. He could do that. He'd never put Cas (or himself) through any of that again.

"You've made me the happiest man alive, Cas," choked Dean and Castiel frowned again.

"I still want your stuff out of the apartment. I don't care where you go, but I can't live with you, not yet. Not until I know that you really mean what you've said."

Dean's eagerness dimmed and he nodded solemnly. "Of course, anything."

The fact that Cas was even contemplating them getting back together was nothing short of a miracle.

Cas nodded uncertainly. "It's going to be difficult for you to prove yourself to me. You know that, right? I don't know if I'll be able to trust you fully ever again."

Dean stomach tightened, but he accepted the idea as his punishment.

"I know. And I hope I'll be able to show you that I'll never do that to you again. I'll never hurt you ever again, I swear."

Cas didn't say anything as he made his way towards the door.

"You can start by taking me to dinner. Tonight at six. We'll see where this takes us."

Dean stuttered out grateful agreements before another thought hit him.

"But wait a minute. What about your boyfriend?"

Cas frowned in confusion as he turned to Dean and Dean gestured vaguely towards the door.

Cas tilted his head.

"Balthazar's my cousin. He came over after I told him about your cheating."

Dean winced, but his heart soared at the idea that Cas wasn't actually dating anybody.

"Looks like I'll have a new story to tell him," mused Cas and Dean offered a small smile.

Castiel turned back to the door and as he pushed his way through it, his expression morphed into something a little more cool and closed-off.

"I'll see you at six, Dean." 

Dean gulped at the challenge ahead.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I am open to improvements and criticisms and if anyone has a request, I would love to fill it! Thanks to _akibabes25_ for this request! It was really fun to write!


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